Purpose #
Feedback is one of the most powerful tools a coach has — and one of the easiest to misuse. Poorly delivered feedback triggers defensiveness, damages trust, and reduces a student’s willingness to take future risks. Delivered well, it accelerates learning, builds self-awareness, and strengthens the coaching relationship. The critical distinction is between feedback that informs and feedback that directs: the coach’s role is the former, never the latter.
This article draws on the SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) framework developed by the Center for Creative Leadership (Weitzel, 2000), Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset (2006), and Michael Bungay Stanier’s work on avoiding “the advice trap” — the coach’s instinct to solve rather than develop (Bungay Stanier, 2020).
When to Use This #
Use this framework when you have a direct observation to share — something you noticed in the student’s behaviour, language, or approach that would be useful for them to hear. This includes patterns you observe across sessions, moments in a conversation where something shifted, or discrepancies between what the student says they want and what they appear to be doing.
Do not use feedback as a vehicle for advice. If what you want to share is a recommendation, own it as such — but only offer it after the student has exhausted their own thinking.
Step-by-Step Instructions #
Step 1 — Ask Permission #
Before offering any observation, ask whether the student is open to hearing it. This is not a formality — it is a fundamental act of respect that preserves the student’s autonomy. Research on psychological safety (Edmondson, 1999) shows that people who feel they have control over what they receive are significantly more open to difficult information.
Say: “I noticed something in our conversation just now — would it be useful to share it?” or “I have an observation — are you open to hearing it?”
If the student says no, respect it and move on. A student who receives feedback they didn’t want will not use it.
Step 2 — Use the SBI Structure #
The SBI model (Center for Creative Leadership) provides a clean, non-judgmental structure for delivering observations:
- Situation: Describe the specific context. “In the last three sessions, when we’ve talked about reaching out to your network…”
- Behavior: Describe what you observed — not what you interpreted. “…you’ve shifted to a different topic before we make a plan.”
- Impact: Describe the effect you observed or the question it raises for you. “I’m curious about what’s happening there — what do you notice?”
The SBI structure keeps feedback anchored in observable reality rather than inference. The difference between “you seem to be avoiding this” (interpretation) and “I noticed you moved to a different topic three times” (observation) is significant. The latter invites reflection; the former invites defensiveness.
Step 3 — Hand It Back #
After sharing your observation, hand the conversation back to the student immediately. Your job is to illuminate, not to explain. Resist the urge to interpret what your observation means or to suggest what the student should do about it.
Ask: “What do you notice when I say that?” or “What’s your reaction to that?” or simply “What’s going on for you?”
The student’s response to a well-delivered observation is often more valuable than anything the coach could add. Silence is not a problem — it usually means the student is thinking, which is exactly what you want.
Step 4 — Affirm Effort and Progress, Not Just Outcomes #
When offering positive feedback, be specific and attribute it to the student’s choices and effort — not to fixed traits. Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset (2006) demonstrates that praising effort (“you worked through that in a really systematic way”) produces more resilience and learning than praising ability (“you’re so good at this”). Trait-based praise, paradoxically, makes students more fragile — they become reluctant to attempt things where they might not appear “good.”
Say: “I noticed how specifically you described your situation this time compared to a month ago — that kind of clarity takes real work.”
Avoid: “You’re so self-aware!” — this is trait praise that creates pressure to maintain an identity rather than continue growing.
Step 5 — Watch for the Advice Trap #
Michael Bungay Stanier’s research identifies the “advice monster” — the coach’s compulsion to fix, rescue, or direct — as the primary threat to effective coaching (Bungay Stanier, 2020). After delivering an observation and handing the conversation back, the most common coach error is jumping in with analysis or recommendations when silence follows. Hold the space. The student’s own insight, when it arrives, will do more than anything you could offer.
Best Practices #
- Observe patterns, not moments. A single data point is interesting; a pattern is feedback worth sharing. “I’ve noticed over several sessions that…” carries far more weight than “just now I noticed…”
- Separate observation from interpretation. Share what you saw or heard. Let the student provide the meaning. You will often be wrong about what it means — but they rarely will be.
- Keep feedback brief. One clear observation, well-timed, does more than three observations delivered together. Multiple observations in one session feel like a performance review, not a coaching conversation.
- Time it carefully. Feedback lands best when the student is in a receptive state — curious and reflective, not defensive or overwhelmed. Reading the student’s emotional state before offering an observation is itself a coaching skill.
Common Mistakes #
- Repackaging advice as feedback. “I noticed you haven’t been networking — you might want to try LinkedIn” is advice wearing a feedback costume. Name it honestly if you’re offering a recommendation: “Can I share a thought?” is more honest than “I noticed…”
- Softening the observation until it disappears. Coaches who are anxious about student reactions often cushion feedback so thoroughly that the actual observation gets lost. Be kind in tone, clear in content.
- Praising effort that wasn’t actually visible. Generic positive feedback (“you’re doing great!”) without specific evidence is not encouraging — it’s empty. Students learn to discount it quickly.
- Interpreting before the student has had a chance to respond. After sharing an SBI observation, the most important thing you can do is wait. Don’t explain your observation. Don’t tell them what it means. Wait.
Related Resources #
- Bungay Stanier, M. (2020). The Advice Trap. Box of Crayons Press.
- Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
- Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383.
- Weitzel, S. R. (2000). Feedback That Works: How to Build and Deliver Your Message. Center for Creative Leadership.
- Heen, S., & Stone, D. (2014). Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well. Viking.
- London, M. (2003). Job Feedback: Giving, Seeking, and Using Feedback for Performance Improvement (2nd ed.). Lawrence Erlbaum.
